Enjoy this week’s guest post from blogging and Pinterest pro, Julie McNulty, and let’s reach our goals, today!
So you’ve got a big dream and you’ve set some goals – you just haven’t reached them yet. What’s up with that? I know, I know, you’re busy, you had company from out of town, the kids have been sick, work’s been crazy… I’m sure there are other excuses, too. That’s what they are, after all, excuses. But WHY, really why haven’t we reached our goals? Have you thought about that? Push aside all of the excuses and let’s look at things with clear vision. I’ve got you. We’ve got this.
Here are four major reasons why we fail to reach our goals.
You’ve got too many goals.
And they’re low priority at that. And I’ll bet some of them even conflict with each other.
Is your goal to pamper yourself, but also to spend more quality time with your kids, and then don’t forget to spend less money, and make sure you put down your phone while you’re at it? I’m not saying those are bad goals, I’m just saying that’s a lot of things. And some of them will make the others more difficult.
Try spending more quality time with your kids while also spending less money. Sure, it can be done, but museums and farms get expensive. You can find free activities and places to visit but that’s going to take a bit of planning; so now you just took away your window for that mani pedi. Oh, and don’t plan your agenda on your phone… can’t have that out in front of the kids (hope you weren’t planning to take pictures of your kid petting that cow’s nose, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY). I think you get the picture. It’s like saying you want to eat all organic but also spend less money on groceries. You are going to drive yourself mad. You will drop one (if not all) of these goals.
So here it is, cut and dry, too many goals=not enough focus. Set one BIG goal. Stick with it. Make sure all other sub-goals feed into your primary goal.
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Negative motivation.
Here’s an example, your best friend loses fifty pounds. She looks great. She gets lots of attention (you might be a tiny bit jealous). You decide you’ll lose fifty-five pounds.
Here’s another example, you can’t stand your co-worker. Everything he does makes your blood boil. He’s eyeing up a big promotion. You’ve never really wanted to move up in the company, hadn’t even really thought about the possibility, but dammit; HE will NOT get that promotion.
Here’s the thing; I’m all for some friendly competition, and I know competitiveness can drive people to be better, create more, be more innovative, etc. But, if it wasn’t your goal or your dream in the first place, reaching it won’t do anything for your soul. If you haven’t thirsted for it, worked for it, passioned after it; it won’t bring you the satisfaction you’re craving. It won’t fill you. And then what are you left with? The knowledge that you swept in on someone else’s long sought-after goal.
This type of goal, even if reached, is still a failure because this type of goal was set for the wrong reasons. YOUR goal should never be to beat someone else. Your goals should serve simply to better yourself and those around you.
You will fail to reach our goals if the goals are not specific.
Oh Lord, how many people have set a goal to “lose weight” or “get in shape”. But, like, how? So you want to lose weight? What’s your plan? If there is no plan, how can there be any follow through? Did you meal prep for the week? If you haven’t, you know we’re going to be catching you in the Chik-Fil-A drive through! Did you schedule workouts? It’s easy to skip a workout if you haven’t even put it on your calendar (because, is it even real if it’s not on your calendar?).
Goals should be specific and detailed. There needs to be a clear and definitive end. If there is no definite end, you are merely coasting.
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How will you measure your progress/success? Do you see the problem here? This is why so many New Year’s resolutions fail. And fail miserably.
So instead of, “I want to lose weight” go with “I will lose 15 pounds by July.” Instead of, “I want to get in shape”, how about “I will train for and compete in a triathlon on September 15th”. See the difference? The way you structure your goal makes all the difference in your ability to stick with it and achieve it.
It’s not the right goal.
Let me tell you a story. One day, I decided I wanted to learn to crochet. I went to the yarn store and bought one skein of yarn and a crochet hook. I went home and watched a YouTube video three times. Then I crocheted a scarf in less than two hours. I decided that I would crochet both of my sons a winter hat. The next day I returned to the yarn store, bought lots of yarn; and never picked up my crochet hook again.
About a week later, my husband asked me how the crocheting was going and I told him I hadn’t done much since the first day (a lie, I hadn’t done anything). And this is what he said to me, “I don’t get it, you’re so good at everything but you don’t stick with anything”. Well that hit hard. How do you respond to that? The truth is, I was never going to be a “crocheter”. I was never going to be the one who crocheted all her friends baby blankets. I wasn’t going to open an Etsy shop and make lots of money. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my dream.
I could tell you so many more stories like this. But, this isn’t about dropping hobbies; it’s about something bigger. Before my husband and I had kids, we set a goal to hike the Camino de Santiago. We looked into time frames, came up with a training schedule, and started researching gear. Two weeks after we set this goal, we found out I was pregnant. This goal has not disappeared. We’ve simply pushed back our time frame (possibly 15 years, but we WILL do it). The right goal won't go away. The right goal will make your belly burn with passion and your mind race with excitement. If you can drop your goal like I dropped crocheting, it's not your goal.
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It’s okay if you don’t know the right goal for you right now. It can take some serious thinking, meditating, praying, talking, searching. When you do have the right goal at the right time I do believe you will feel it in your bones and you will be unstoppable.
Julie is words obsessed blog and Pinterest marketer, living in the Green Mountains of Vermont with her husband and two young boys. She is the owner of Writes Well With Others, offering virtual services in blogging/content strategy and Pinterest marketing. Julie practices Ayurveda and yoga and is passionately pursuing an active outdoor lifestyle. When not hiking, biking, skiing, snowshoeing, canoeing, or swimming with her family, you’ll find Julie cooking yummy fresh meals, reading giant books, or writing blog posts about living the mom life. You can follow Julie on Instagram @writes_well_with_others
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